Weaponizing Gratitude

Contributor: Linda Roszak Burton, ACC, BBC, BS
To learn more about Linda, click here.

 

Throughout this WHQ series on gratitude, we’ve shared existing research on the powerful benefits that result from a cultivated and sustained practice of gratitude. The benefits range from better health and well-being, improved personal and professional relationships, stronger leadership characteristics, and a healthier and more positive organizational culture. As these benefits are achieved, you become more resilient, trustworthy, altruistic, and willing to help others. You can be at your best as consistently as possible and become more purposeful in how you live your life.

So, when the term weaponizing gratitude started showing up on various media platforms and educational forums, the content illustrated just how damaging the statement “just be grateful” can be to the recipient of the message, while providing a glimpse at the mindset of the messenger. Seemingly, at the very least, the statement can be a form of unconscious bias and worse, a malevolent judgment against an individual and their situation. Neither is it an appropriate use of gratitude nor support the development of trusting relationships.

At a recent Fuller Integration Lectures Symposium, renowned researcher Robert A. Emmons, PhD, referred to gratitude as “The deepest touchpoint of human existence.” Weaponizing gratitude would be the furthest step away one could take from this touchpoint.

The receiver of the “just be grateful” message is often deluded into thinking they’re undeserving or greedy, left feeling marginalized. If “just be grateful” comes from a position of power or authority, a downward spiral of hopelessness, conditional expectations, and a lack of psychological safety takes hold. Individuals can feel backed into a corner and question their worthiness and ability to contribute to family, community, and workplace in a meaningful way. Weaponizing gratitude undercuts the fundamental human need to know our existence matters. 

Weaponizing Gratitude in Healthcare

In her essay on the morality of gratitude, Liz Jackson, PhD, looks at whether gratitude should be regarded as morally ideal and expected in contexts marked by social inequity and injustice. Where one’s self-respect might be compromised… leading to guilt or embarrassment is potentially morally problematic. Noting gratitude’s philosophical and psychological benefits, misuse of gratitude is harmful in the “context of social injustice and creates malevolence rather than benevolence.” While Jackson’s work is in formal education, she posits from a psychological view that gratitude may always have instrumental value, but it remains morally problematic if it enables the continuation of suffering.

The harmful impact of “just be grateful” can also mask and deny the problems of healthcare inequities and biases that exist in institutions. Telling someone to just be grateful for having access to healthcare, without considering the hardships and challenges someone has, invalidates their emotional experiences – even with the best intentions. It potentially creates a subservient relationship that can result in mistrust and negatively impact care by a lack of follow-up or adherence to a treatment or medication regimen.

Weaponizing Gratitude in the Workplace

In her TEDx Talk, Lilly Singh shares her interest in becoming more influential and offering a different perspective once she made it to the late-night television “table.” As she shared in her Talk, she experienced weaponizing gratitude when she was told she should be grateful to have a seat in the first place.

In her book, The First, The Few, and The Only, Deepa Purushothaman writes, “many women of color are taught to be grateful for being included [at the table], an implication to maintain the status quo.” Purushothaman suggests this contradicts what is often expressed in the work environment, “…to have a voice and speak your mind.”

Many employee engagement surveys ask, “At work, do your opinions seem to count?” A Gallup Insight article on what drives a culture of belonging noted only three in every ten U.S. employees agree their opinions count. Bringing awareness and offering opportunities to gain a mindset of cultural humility and sensitivity and the skills to become more culturally competent helps organizations support the recognition of the inherent value of diversity – people, perspectives, talents – and the benefits that accrue when it is a genuine value of an organization rather than performative art and approached as the flavor of the month. This recognition can be strengthened by expressing appropriate gratitude for diversity and brings greater humanity into the work environment.

In our July WHQ article, Gratitude - An Essential Element for Greater Inclusion, we defined an organization’s culture by how employees speak and interact with each other to gauge the level of inclusivity in your team, department, and organization.

Questions to Consider:

First, consider how you would respond if you heard someone say, “just be grateful”? Would you notice the potential implication? Once noticed, would you feel a need to explore the intent or harmful impact of the comment? And, knowing the harm, how would you invite a deeper discussion on what the thinking is behind the comment? Would you invite a deeper discussion? How would it change your opinion of the person making the statement?

Then take note over the next week of the types of gratitude expressions you hear in your workplace. For example, is there a default expression of gratitude in your organization? How well does it convey the “intended touchpoint”? How can you start a conversation about creating or strengthening a culture of gratitude to avoid misusing or misinterpreting meanings?    

In conclusion, the “just be grateful” construct masks and denies the problems of healthcare inequities and disparities, the lack of diversity and inclusion which often exists at all levels of an organization, and the true tenet of gratitude as a moral emotion. Furthermore, there is no reciprocity in weaponizing gratitude, which serves as a multiplier for building quality relationships, generating a sense of community belonging, and greater health and well-being for yourself and those you serve.

Want to learn more?


Contact Linda at:
[email protected] or 410.707.3118